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When I Was Bulimic

Stop eating when you're full
I don't know what the words mean
I am famished
Empty
Depleted
Starving
My heart, my ears
My eyes, my insides
It's been a long time
Since I had a good meal
The kind my mother used to make
From nothing
Clam chowder with dumplings
And ooey gooey
Pineapple upside-down cake
I don't know what the words mean
Stop eating when you're full
I am hungry in my toes
And each finger
I am afraid to feed myself
But I must
So I grab
And I grab
And I grab

My father says
That there's a monster inside
And he's right
It's roaring
It's chow time
Food! Food! Food!
I am the monster
I am the freak show
I hate my father
And I hate the monster
Get it out
Get it out
I am alone in the cellblock
Again
With the water running
And the world outside
I close my eyes
And
Throw up the monster
Throw up the hate
Throw up the alone
I am empty
I am free
Stop eating when you're full
It's going to be
A
Long
Night.

 

-- Tiana Gregg

 

 

 

Originally published by L D Books, used with permission.

 

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